Right then. I’m voting Green.
Who are you voting for?
Right then. I’m voting Green.
Who are you voting for?
I wanted to write something here about the stupidity of anti-immigration sentiment and the fact that our present culture and language have been built from pieces of innumerable other cultures, like a big inclusive jigsaw. And that cultures continue to evolve and could not function without human migration.
Luckily, before I started I noticed that Ibrahim has written an absolutely splendid post about this which puts it eighty billion times better than my ramshackle post would’ve. So I must direct you there instead.
On further glance at my bookmarks list, it seems that Swiss Toni has been thinking along the same lines too.
So I’ll have a cup of tea instead, and perhaps amble back later with a different subject.
This week is TV Turnoff Week, when TV addicts go cold turkey (click grainy lo-fi picture above for proper details).
Don’t be startled by the idea of a week without the gogglebox. Other things you could do with your leisure time this week include:
(* just my little joke, Officer)
The possibilities, quite literally, are endless. As the theme tune of shambolic 1970s British children’s programme ‘Why Don’t You’ implored us: “why don’t you just switch off your television set and go out and do something less boring instead?” (I wonder if anybody at the BBC noticed the irony of this anti-passivity message coming from a TV show. Hmm.)
Enjoy your week!
Two parties vie to woo the country’s hearts
With trickery, vile sorcery and spin,
And much recourse to Campbell’s fiendish arts:
No principles have they, but lust to win.
Each hollow pledge dropp’d lightly to the earth,
Twice shatter’d unto dust by careless hooves;
To focus groups such baubles owe their birth.
Mere rhetoric each manifesto proves.
Lo, wherefore art this contest such disgrace?
A vote for evil maketh man despair,
Yet seest thou a light in this dark place?
In May, i’faith, wilt thou a cross place there?
Democracy such conflict doth devour,
For those who claim to serve love none but Power.
Scarlet are the hands of Britain’s lord,
And guilty, with his rich Atlantic friend,
Of multiplying corpses slain abroad,
And bringing civil peace to savage end.
A vote for red must be a vote for death.
But prithee, thinkest thou I point to blue?
Let not thy thoughts drift thence. The blue hateth
Fair truth, bless’d justice, and good people too.
Beware their leader’s ghoulish azure glow:
This beast in human form doth stalk the night,
And drinketh he the blood of foreign foe –
Begone, thou foul distemper’d parasite!
O ye, with naught to gain and much to lose,
Must not let Michael step in Tony’s shoes.
Thus all right-thinking men must look to gold,
Or green, or seek another worthy hue.
Reform all social ills, go forth, be bold;
By this, thy faith in Parliament renew.
Repair the Eastern wreckage, make amends
For slaughter, broken cities, senseless pain;
Unwind Guantanamo’s wire fence, make friends
All o’er the globe, let human conscience reign.
Dethrone the god of money, let him be
A wand’ring nomad, not thy holy king,
If thou wouldst thus reject his tyranny,
Thy life such wond’rous gentle joy would bring!
Elect thy choice, but hear me from above:
A man is only rich if he hath love.
The Pope post comments below appear to have spontaneously combusted. Perhaps it is a sign?
*auctions divinely mutilated web page on eBay*
EDIT: No, they’re back again. They were just moving in mysterious ways for a while.
Speaking of Condoleezza Rice, as we recently were, it appears she’s still obsessed with states of the former Soviet Union. This time it’s Belarus, one sixth of the “axis of evil”. Perhaps it would be less work for her if she just let us know which countries America doesn’t plan to remodel?
In other news, it appears the unpleasantly arrogant George Galloway (Respect party) has a good chance of ousting the sycophantic careerist Oona King (Labour party) from her Bethnal Green seat. Whoopee. Yawn.
Lastly, here’s what George Monbiot has to say about why reluctant tactical voting is unnecessary. You can make up your own mind about whether he’s right or not.
Right, that’s the politics out of the way. Now we can talk about religion again. Wait, where are you all going?
We are now officially With Pope, and he:
Are the cardinals following the teachings of some other Jesus? I can’t help wondering if there’s been a mix-up somewhere along the line.
“Excuse me, Father. Have I got the right edition of this book? I can’t find the part where Jesus says I should hate pretty much everyone.”
“On your knees for 200 Hail Marys, you wicked heathen. You dare to question The Word Of God?”
I haven’t got much time today, but I just wanted to extend a very warm welcome to the US State Department, who have visited my blog twice this week already. Hi Condi! If you were looking for a book recommendation, you only had to ask.
Ladies and gents, your personalised book recommendations (see Readers’ lives) are ready.
Remember, you’re very welcome to recommend me a book right back. In fact, I’d love it if you did. Thanks to all those who have already recommended titles, whether to me or to everyone generally. They’re all great choices.
While selecting a book for each blogger, I’ve tried to avoid both the eyewateringly obvious and the sort of books you’ve talked about in your blogs. If you’ve written about your love of sci-fi, say, I’ve assumed you already have all the sci-fi you need and have tried to think of a more tangential option.
Mostly I’ve chosen novels, because a long list of factual books would have all the allure of a school reading list. Yawn-o-rama. However, there are a couple of exceptions.
If you’ve already read the title I suggest for you, I’ll award myself a shiny silver star for ninja-level perception. (Privately, I will give myself a slap for inability to think laterally.)
Cover shots are included, but there are probably 200 different editions all across the globe. So don’t judge your book by its…
I’ll just get on with it, shall I?
Human Croquet – Kate Atkinson
You asked for something British with foxes in it. This book’s poetic, magical and beautifully written, as are all Kate Atkinson’s books. I think any one of them would be a good choice for you, but this one in particular. (OK, there aren’t any foxes in it. But it is British. Stick with me here.)
Metamorphoses – Ovid
Not just because it’s from the olden days. It’s epic, adventurous, noble and heroic, all of which may be your cup of tea.
3. Swiss Toni
The Tenant of Wildfell Hall – Anne Brontë
Anne is the best Brontë. Fact! Unfortunately, she’s always been overshadowed by melodramatic weakling Emily and gobby sulker Charlotte. This book is ace on toast. I’m not sure you have any interest in Victorian novels, Swiss, so it’s a long shot, but I still think you’d romp through this one.
4. Lord Bargain
White Noise – Don DeLillo
This book’s funny, wry and entertaining. If you look it up on Amazon, ignore all the poppycock written in the customer review section. It’s not “tough going” or “difficult” and you don’t need an understanding of postmodern literary concepts to read it. What are these people on about?
Anyway, I’ve broken with convention completely here, because I’ve decided to offer you a second option in case you’re put off the first one by the detractors’ twitterings. It is:
The Stars’ Tennis Balls – Stephen Fry
This book gave me a bad dream the night I finished it. But it’s great.
Immortality – Milan Kundera
I love this book. I bet you $900,000 that you will too. The fact that I don’t have $900,000 to cover the bet just goes to show how sure I am.
The Dice Man – Luke Rhinehart
A cult classic. But Hedgewitch, beware of trying to emulate the Dice Man’s actions while you’re reading it. No good can come of this.
Life of Pi – Yann Martel
This book is weird and brilliant. You think you know where it’s going, then it charges off in the opposite direction. Ideal for most people, but especially Andy. I think you’d like its understated humour and its unexpected twists. Frankly, who wouldn’t?
If I Told You Once – Judy Budnitz
Warning: the dark fairytale landscape of this book may haunt you for days after finishing it. An exquisite gem, perfect for Ka.
9. Chunky Munky
London Fields – Martin Amis
It is big and it is clever. It’s also compulsory reading for all Londoners. Hey, I don’t make the rules.
Manners – Robert Newman
There’s a sense of creeping urban decay in this book which I think would appeal to you, Mark. Not just that, but the incisive rendering of the main character and his psychological journey throughout the story also strike me as your sort of thing. An excellent book from an underrated writer.
11. Hun (aka odd child)
The Mistress of Spices – Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
A wild spirit unleashed in Oakland, just like the Hun herself. This is another beautifully written book with a magical twinkle in its eye.
Wise Children – Angela Carter
Sparkling, stylish, witty novel with hidden depths WLTM Aussie lawyer for cosy nights on the couch. No time wasters.
Vapor – Amanda Filipacchi
This book came to mind immediately for you, Jim, and I’m not quite sure why. It’s partly hilarious and partly sweet. The oblique humour in it may appeal to you. It may not. If it does, her other book Nude Men will almost certainly suit you too (not as titillating as it sounds, but a strange, funny read).
International politics, Egyptian history and a love story, all wrapped up into one. You can almost feel the scorching Sahara underfoot when you’re reading it. It’s a delight.
15. True Blue Liberal
The Age of Consent – George Monbiot
TBL, you are one of only two recipients of a non-fiction recommendation. This book is Monbiot’s “manifesto for a new world order”. I thought its visionary political ideas and optimism might appeal. One to fill your head with possibilities.
After The Empire – Emanuel Todd
Gerry didn’t respond to my entreaty to join us, but he’s getting a recommendation anyway because I think he’ll love this book. The author predicted the self-destruction of the Soviet Union back in 1975, when the rest of the world saw no signs of its power crumbling. Here, he turns his attentions to America and predicts the way in which the American empire will draw to a close, arguing that this process is already underway. Compelling and surprising.
Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
The best novel ever written. I ain’t even joking witcha. Buy. Read. Love.
OK people, that’s me done. Hope you like your choices. Let me know what you think of the selections and, if you decide to read your book, what you thought of it.
I’ve buried the concept for this post right down in the comments section of the post below, which was silly. If you don’t fancy exhuming it, here it is again. It’s a proposed book recommendation post. You’re welcome to start one on your own blogs too.
The meme is of course the sign of a dead blog, so I don’t know what my attempt to start one says about mine. Nevertheless, let’s have a crack at it.
Here’s how it works: if you want me to recommend you a book, based solely on my limited knowledge of you as a blogger, then please comment below. Once I have a few names – or once I realise it’s an unworkably odd idea and abandon it, whichever is sooner – I’ll put up a new post containing one recommendation for each volunteer.
If you want to participate in this ‘project’ – which seems a laughably lofty word for a coffee-break diversion I just invented on the spur of the moment – then feel free to do the same. Call for volunteers and then recommend them something. If you tell me you’re doing it, I’ll drop in for my 1-book prescription from Doctor You too.
We can then have the pleasure of recommending each other one title to sit in our Amazon wishlists for 6 months before being deleted. What could be more fun?
The only rule is that the recommender must genuinely think the person will enjoy the book. No joke recommendations, e.g. “A Compendium of Mental Illness” for people who are “just kerrr-azy, like totally WACKO”.
Make sense? OK. Then let’s begin.
Want a personal book recommendation in my forthcoming post? Let me know below. Want to recommend other people books? Post a similar request on your blog. Bingo!
UPDATE: List now closed, recommendations on their way…
After yesterday’s Norman Mailer-bashing, you may have wondered who the best novelists writing in English are. Here is the answer.
Greatest living: Toni Morrison
Greatest dead: Vladimir Nabokov
Thus spake Fox.