We are now officially With Pope, and he:

  • is 78 years old;
  • wants to “stamp out” anti-liberation theology (which mixes Catholicism with the not unreasonable belief that capitalism may have a few negative points);
  • wants to bring about the “re-Christianisation” of Europe and argues against Turkey joining the EU because it is a Muslim country;
  • insists that women are not fit to be choristers or altar servers, let alone priests; and

Are the cardinals following the teachings of some other Jesus? I can’t help wondering if there’s been a mix-up somewhere along the line.

“Excuse me, Father. Have I got the right edition of this book? I can’t find the part where Jesus says I should hate pretty much everyone.”

“On your knees for 200 Hail Marys, you wicked heathen. You dare to question The Word Of God?”

[etc]