Police from five different British forces are undertaking “vital training” (yes, “vital”, it says here) so that they can learn how to protect the Queen from underwater bombs. That’s five (5) different police forces. All abandoning their communities while learning how to better protect Her Maj.

Now, call me a rampant anti-monarchist if you will. In fact, you may as well, because I am. But three questions spring to mind.

1 – Isn’t this hysterical measure a bit of a kick in the face for anyone who is forced to take public transport every day, not having been born into the sort of stagnant gene pool that garners you a fleet of armour-plated Bentleys?

2 – How much is all this costing us?

3 – And how dangerous is an underwater bomb for someone living in a reinforced palace and two castles? The article says this extravagant palaver is to protect Queenie “if touring Windsor Great Park and the river”. If she’s worried, perhaps she could not wander around those places? Or would that be letting “them” win?

Take the tube tomorrow, Ma’am, and see if that makes you feel any more comfortable with your normal routine. Tell you what, I’ll even shell out for your Oyster card. Can’t say fairer than that.